Is searching for happiness robbing you of happiness?
No matter what any individual’s specific goals are in life, every one of us has one major thing in common…
We’re all on a quest for lifelong happiness and fulfillment.
The “blueprint” to this may look different for each of us. To one person, happiness may equate to having a loving partner and a passionate life with them. To another person, it may mean climbing the corporate ladder and finding great success financially. To someone else, it may mean traveling the world extensively and experiencing different cultures. Some people need to feel a sense of accomplishment. Some have spiritual callings. Some see having a family as their ticket to joy. Some people seek a combination of things… and the permutations are endless. The one common thread with all of this is that we all see ourselves at point “A”, which is where we are now. And we seek to reach point “B”, which is happiness. And we create agreements in our minds (based on upbringing, society, culture, religion, media, etc) as to what it takes to get from point A to point B.
So what’s wrong with this picture?
Let me first say that goals are great. Having ambitions is a wonderful thing. But is your search for happiness hurting you more than it’s helping? Lets explore this a bit…
Searching for happiness makes ‘happiness’ suddenly conditional, and not just a state of being, a state of living, or an innate mindset. It makes happiness a result of external factors in life. What we already know of life is that it is ever-changing and unpredictable. Why place your emotional wellbeing on something so unstable and not guaranteed? If happiness is conditional (for example, “I will be happy when I find my soul mate”), then it makes every moment that does not meet that condition undeserving of happiness (so until I meet that soul mate, I cannot be truly happy). This is a totally ass-backwards way of thinking. Because our conditions of happiness are sometimes not even real. They are conditioned ways of thought. We all have every tool we need to be happy just as we are. And happy doesn’t have to mean that we roll over and die. It doesn’t mean we have to give up achieving, growing, or striving for love or greatness. It just means we don’t have to suffer and agonize through the process.
Searching for happiness in the next thrill, the next partner, the next promotion, the next social circle, the next challenge… Pulls you out of the here and now, which is all we have. Your life is never not now. It is strictly and ONLY now. Such conditional projections on the future are only based on a mere IDEA of what would make you happy, not what actually WILL make you happy. Maybe it will. But maybe it also won’t. I can promise that unless your inner peace and joy is created within, then it will not give you the sense of long-lasting fulfillment and purpose that you are seeking.
We refer to happiness like it is some destination. “When (insert condition here) I’ll be happy”. A lover? A baby? Financial security? Acceptance from your peers? Happiness becomes a finish line, and we exhaust ourselves trying to figure out the quickest route to cross it. If your happiness isn’t coming from the inside-out, then once you achieve your projected condition(s), it won’t be long until you again start to feel that nagging sense of lack within. Then the search will continue for the next thing that will bring you this ‘end game’ happiness that you believe to be real. Not that these conditions themselves won’t give you a sense of joy. Because they might! Especially if you have subconsciously agreed to giving the condition a high value. But that initial high will be fleeting. It may last a day. A month. A year. But you will eventually find yourself unfulfilled again. Searching again. And what if you don’t reach your happiness conditions? Then what?! Does this mean that you don’t deserve to feel fulfilled and joyful because you haven’t precisely followed your blueprint? Are you then condemned to a life of pain and suffering? Of agony?
WHO created the rule book that tells us what it means to be happy and joyful? Yes, there are different factors that bring joy to different people. To one person, a meal at a Michelin restaurant will bring them joy. To someone else, playing with a puppy does the same thing. But I’m not talking about superficial joy. I’m not referring to topical happiness. I’m talking about a deep sense of unwavering inner peace. THAT is what happiness is. And there ain’t NO combination of external factors in your life that could buy you inner peace. That journey starts and ends within. This is not an opinion, it is a fact.
Listen, I do not have the key to lasting inner joy right here in this blog, as I am still working on this myself. I wish I could tell you the steps to make the profound switch from searching for happiness externally to discovering it internally (and I specifically used the word “discover” instead of “create”… because it’s already within you, it’s just buried underneath years and years and years of crud, emotion, dysfunction, social conditioning, etc). But I can absolutely tell you what the first step is… and that is the consistent awareness of the simple fact that happiness is not outside. And it doesn’t lie in the next accomplishment or person or thing or place. As long as YOU are on the other end of these relationships, these jobs, these accomplishments, these places, YOU will continue to be your greatest obstacle to reaching fulfillment, as long as there is no internal shift of perception happening. The first door to step through is the door of acceptance. Acceptance of your current moment, acceptance of your current life situation. Surrender to your current emotional state, the good and the bad. And ‘surrender’ does’t mean to give up on life, to never set goals, or to never seek change… as Eckhart Tolle says, “Surrender is the simple yet profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life”.
The real journey to happiness doesn’t only begin if and when X, Y, or Z is accomplished. YOU’RE IN THE JOURNEY RIGHT NOW, as deep as you’ll ever be. Happiness is available to you right now… AS you pursue your life ambitions. Instead of focusing all of your energy on these external factors, allot a nice chunk of energy to practicing acceptance… to practicing gratitude (for the good AND the bad in your life, as the challenges you face are your greatest teachers)…. and to continuously bring awareness to the simple notion that happiness does not come from outside, it is born and nurtured within first. And you know what? You will, without a doubt, begin to manifest the things you want externally by first making this switch internally. Law of attraction baby!
This is a wildly profound concept, but life changing if you take it seriously. It completely saves me on my darkest days and brings me even higher on my best.
Sending love and light to you all, thanks for reading <3